Chinese Christians in a non-Christian home often face the dilemma of what they should do on occasions of death and burial in the family. The situation can be so complicated at times. As such, it is needful for this matter to be handled with extreme care and sensitivity. Dr Poh Boon Seng says,

This article seeks to address these issues so that Christians can be aware of what they should do, and be a good witness and testimony for Jesus Christ. The Christian is to be the salt and light of the earth (Matt 5:13-14). This paper also seeks to provide alternatives as to how the church and her members can provide the necessary help and comfort to the bereaved person.

The non-Christian Chinese also see the performing of these rites as their final farewell and obligation to the deceased. They wish for the deceased to have a happy life in the next world, and hence, they will perform the rites. The ceremony, therefore, is very important to them.

The Chinese Christian had better have a correct understanding of Chinese rituals and their significance so that they can deal with these issues wisely from a biblical standpoint. Oftentimes, Chinese Christians compromise their faith by participating in the funeral rites. One of the reasons could be a lack of biblical instruction on this matter. Others may compromise because they do not think that participation in these rituals is wrong for a Christian. There are others who are pressurised to perform the rituals by their family and relatives.

The loss of a loved one is a very emotional experience. We have to be prepared for it and even be prepared to counsel church members before the event. Not to do so would be detrimental to our Christian faith and testimony. We are to do all things to the glory of God (1 Cor 10:31).

It has been said that there are three ways in which a son can show his filial piety to his parents:

Failure to perform these rituals only constitutes a lack of respect for the deceased. One of Confucius’ followers, Hsun Tzu, explained that such

These rituals have always been an important feature in Chinese culture because they are a show of what it means to be a filial person to the deceased. As Chinese Christians, we must always be mindful of this aspect. However, we must not compromise our Christian testimony by performing these rituals with them (Matt 5:14). For us Christians, we also believe that the deceased has either gone to heaven or hell after death (Heb 9:27; Luke16:22-23).

While there are many rituals in the Chinese funeral, we will only look at some common ones. These are religious in nature and tainted with superstitions. Let the Christian stay out of these rituals (2 Cor 6:16).

The sons of the deceased perform this ritual by symbolically wiping the body of the deceased three times with water. This ritual is important because according to Chinese belief, "a person with an unclean body will be despised and punished in Hell." After the washing, the deceased is dressed. Some personal belongings are also placed in the coffin for use in the afterlife. A pearl (today it is usually a coin to bribe the official of the next world or a grain of rice to ensure that the dead would never grow hungry) is placed in the mouth of the deceased to ensure a smooth journey. Coins are put in the person’s left hand for paying the guardian spirit. Shoes are put on the person’s feet to prepare for the long journey.

Christians should not participate in these superstitious rituals. We believe that the dead at death enters heaven if the person is a believer (2 Cor 5:8). God shall comfort the Christian for the afterlife is a life with God in heaven (Luke 16:25, 2 Cor 5:1).

Christians should not get involved in this matter of offering paper money to the deceased. The dead and the living do not have any contact (2 Sam 12:23). The spirits of the departed cannot return to harm us (Heb 9:27). We need not fear any evil spirit (Rom 8:31). Christians should also abstain from folding paper money etc. (1 Thess 5:22). This is not their job. Other forms of help can be rendered instead.

If you are the eldest son in a non-Christian family, you may face a severe opposition to your faith, especially when it comes to your baptism. Be prepared for it.

During such religious services, prayers are also chanted to appease any spirit that may seek to hinder the deceased on his journey. Prayers and incantations are also made to enable the deceased to cross the bridges. Incense must be lit to the bridge god at every bridge for permission to cross the bridge. Permission must be sought from the god of the earth for burial.

As Christians, we should never get involved in any of these religious rituals. We must stay out of anything that has to do with the monk leading the way. This is no time to be emotional. If we follow the monk, we are saying that we agree with him in all that he is doing. There is no agreement between the temple of God with idols (2 Cor 6:16).

This is done so as to allow for relatives and friends to visit the family and pay their last respects to the deceased. The wake may last from three to seven days. During this period, many rituals are performed.

One of the most significant rituals during the wake is for people to come before the altar of the deceased and pay their respects. Most people would bow before the altar or photo of the deceased. They would do so with a lighted joss-stick and they would bow three times. Some people bow without any joss-stick. This is a form of worship of the dead! The Rev Dr Timothy Tow says, "to bow to the dead is a form of worship, like bowing to ancestral tablets and family idols." Let me also quote what Dr Poh Boon Sing has to say about this matter:

If we want to show our respect, we can always stand for a minute before the altar. There is no need for us to bow before the altar or photo of the deceased.

The funeral procession is normally headed by a band of musicians. The music is meant to frighten away malicious spirits lurking around the funeral site. They are also meant to announce the arrival of the deceased to the spirit world and to bid him into their midst. Such bands should not be employed in Christian funerals. Christians should not adopt non-Christian rituals.

Visitors to the wake as well as to the funeral are usually given a strand of red thread or small red packets containing two coins to ensure that they get rid of any bad luck.

Apart from the red thread, many people today do not know the meaning and significance of the groundnuts, sweets and melon seeds used at the wake. For most people, these edibles are simply for consumption only. As Christians we do not need to take the red threads or red packets offered to us because we are not superstitious. We can politely refuse these things. If they are left on the table, we need not take them.

What about the edible items? Should they be eaten? This should not pose a problem if they have not been offered to the idols. Eat them, but do not forget to give thanks to God first (1 Tim 4:4-5).

Such an accusation is both unfair and untrue. Filial piety is indeed taught in the Bible. In the days of Moses, God commanded His people to honour their parents (Exod 20:12). The New Testament also emphasises this teaching in Eph 6:1-3, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That is may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth." Filial piety is not something new to Christianity. It has been taught since the days of the patriarchs in the Old Testament.

It must also be made clear that filial piety must be seen in the light of children showing their love and care for the elderly, their parents etc. while they are still alive. This is the best way to prove our filial piety to our loved ones. In a famous essay by Ou Yang Shieu, a noted scholar and statesmen in the Sung Dynasty, he said,

I remember conducting a funeral for a Christian lady in June 1995 and encountering opposition from her eldest son, who was not a Christian. He wanted to put some food for his deceased mother, and offer paper money to her. I found out that this "filial son" was never filial to his mother when she was alive. Now that she was gone, he wanted to put on a show of filial piety to impress his friends and relatives. There may have also been a sense of guilt that caused him to act in this manner.

How can a Christian show his filial piety to his parents? A Christian shows filial piety while his parents are still alive. "A son honoureth his father" (Mal 1:6). Jesus said, "Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death" (Matt 15:4). "My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother" (Prov 6:20). The Bible pronounced a curse on those who dishonour their parents. God was very serious about this matter (Exod 21:15, 17; Lev 20:9; Prov 20:20, 30:17). Disrespect for parents will bring punishment from God. "And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death. And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death" (Exod 21:15, 17). "The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it (Prov 30:17).

There are a number of ways to show filial piety. When our parents are still alive, give them due honour. Do not humiliate them. Obey and honour them: "Whoso keepth the law is a wise son: but he that is a companion of riotous men shameth his father" (Prov 28:7). Do not abuse them physically: "He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach" (Prov 19:26). The Bible says that the arrogant and rebellious perform such disgraceful and shameful acts: "There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother. There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness. There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up. There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men" (Prov 30:11-14).

When they are gone, we remember them. Filial piety is not measured by the pomp of the funeral or the luxury of the gravesite sacrifice, but by the honour, glory, feeding, admonishing, and thanksgiving one had been offering to parents while they were still alive. After they die, we can only remember them, not worship them.

How should we remember our parents or ancestors? Be like Joseph in Genesis 50, by giving our loved ones an honourable funeral. We do not need to overspend, but we need to give our loved ones a decent burial. We can also remember the anniversary of their death. Publish a word of remembrance of the person in the newspapers. Visit the grave to clean it, and to place flowers as a token of our love. This may be done in the spring festival of Qing Ming (All Souls’ Day). This is an important occasion for the Chinese. This occasion reinforces the ethic of filial piety. It is a major Chinese festival.

Before embarking on this trip to the gravesite, Christians ought to talk to their loved ones to inform them that they would want to do things like cleaning the gravesite, preparing food and drinks for those who are going etc., but not perform any of the religious rites. They must show their relatives that they love their ancestors and do miss them too, but are not willing to compromise their faith by going through the religious rites. Such gentle reminders show our sincerity and sensitivity. When Christians display such faith and love, unbelieving family members may be more sympathetic to the gospel message.

Respect and honour to the living is biblical, but communicating with the dead is not. Necromancy is forbidden in the Scriptures. God commands in Deut 18:9-14,

The basic belief of the Chinese is that the soul never dies and there is a continual relationship between the living and the dead. This belief has led to ancestral worship and necromancy. When a person dies, he is regarded by his family as a "god" and is believed to be able to look after the welfare of the family.

The Bible forbids any contact with the dead. As Christians, we must not have anything to do with necromancy. At the moment of death, the dead goes to either heaven or hell (Luke 16:22-23). There can be no communication between the living and the dead (Luke 16:27-31). The dead cannot come back to the world of the living, even in a spirit form.

When a Christian is asked to participate in a séance, he should explain to his loved ones the danger and deception involved. If need be, the pastor or a mature Christian could be invited to warn them of the dangers of such meetings through a study of the Scriptures (Lev 19:31, 20:6, Deut 18:10-14, Isa 8:19).

While we want to be sensitive to our loved ones and show our filial piety, we must never compromise our beliefs. It is far better to communicate with the living now, than to wait until they are gone and then seek to speak to them.

Chinese culture is steeped in filial piety which often involves idolatry. Chinese Christians are often seen to compromise their faith by participating in the many rituals. They need to be instructed. It is imperative that they understand the requirements of God, and seek to observe biblical principles in their lives. If Chinese customs and culture infringe on biblical standards, we must, at all cost, seek to honour God (1 Sam 2:30), and to obey His Word. We must also seek to explain to our loved ones the reasons for our actions so that they would not think that we are in any way unfilial.